Lorenzo's 10 Codes of Etiquette
"A gentleman's life is very easy, because he lives by a code. I present to you mi amigo, my 10 most important codes of gentlemanly etiquette, to embody a true hidalgo."
1. Never interrupt in conversation
"It is very rude for a gentleman to interrupt someone who is speaking or in conversacion. Although the gentleman is an experto storyteller, let the converser finish. Don't be an el burro."
2. Your jacket is a bridge to gallantry
"When walking with a señorita and you encounter a body of water on the path, it is essential you take it off and let her use it as a bridge to pass. You must protect her very expensive Ferragamo's."
3. The cloth of dining
"When dining at a restaurante, a gentleman must make proper use of a napkin. Unfurl the napkin with pride and vigour, out into the air. Then with one firm move, proceed to tuck the napkin into the collar of your shirt. This is not a bib, a gentleman is no baby for a bib."
4. An arsenal of cutlery
"Every self respecting gentleman should be a maestro cutlery practitioner. Skilled in the ancient, and deadly art of using cutlery to eat. The true test is to be able to eat a chocolate bar with your cutlery. Un momento, there is one exception; fajitas can only be eaten with hands."
5. The glove of justice
"The gentleman always stands up for himself. If an el villano insults your honour the gentlemanly way to respond is to pull out your leather duelling glove. Then perform the glove slap and challenge them to a duel."
6. The dress code
"An amigo of mine said that dressing well is a kind of good manners. I agree, and the gentleman should never feel obligado to dress down. The gentleman is never overdressed, everyone else is underdressed."
7. Socks maketh the man
"Socks maketh or breaketh the outfit and the man. The modern gentleman's socks must be bold, vivido, and have commanding colours. Lift up those trousers and give the world a glimpse of those sexy socks."
8. Doors of opportunity
"When on a romántico date with a señorita, the gentleman always opens the door for her. It is also a useful way to know if it is safe to enter."
9. The art of secrecy
"A gentleman is a maestro at protecting a hombre's confidencial matters. However, when burdened by a particularly juicy bit of secrecy, he may count on his fellow gentlemen for aid. Lorenzo's ear is always ready to help. Please send gossip by telegram."
10. The chivalrous hero
"When walking with a señorita, a gentleman walks on the outside of the footpath, closest to the tráfico. This lets him save her if an idiota's car comes onto the pavement. Just remember to pass on your valet tray to the next generation of gentlemen in your will. Adiós amigo."